Project Zambrano

I stink.

2008-07-13T01:22:00.003-05:00

At this blogging regularly thing. But know this, lots of stuff is going on in Bizzarroland, such as the imminent moving of the same. Packing is fun! So is going up and down stairs alot! At the end of July to boot! The Keefer and Jeff are super fellas for volunteering their services. The friends of mine that ignored my text asking for help, are not so super.

I have created a Yahoo! Group for anyone that may be interested in keeping up with cousins and such. It's a semi-secure avenue for us to share pictures (without the interweb creeps checking them out), stories, plan drinking excursions, and the rest. I'll be tinkering with it over the next few days to try to maximize it for our usage. Anyone with Altenburg in them or a strange interest in those of us that do, should check out Wydra Means Weasel or Chicago Altenburgs at Yahoo! Groups. Interestingly enough, Wydra translates as weasel in English, and I find that glorious.

Benny's Done Been Here!

2008-07-01T13:42:00.002-05:00

The Bizzarro computer finally died and with timing unfortunate enough to warrant me not being able to post about the seminal event so far as this bloggation is concerned. Bennet Harold Bizzarro was born on 6/14 at 10:34 p.m., weighing 9lbs 1oz and measuring 21.25 inches long. I broke down after a protracted fight with Best Buy and bought a new computer which I've just now got up and running. I'm unduly sorry about the anticlimaticness of it all, y'all!

AND...

2008-05-30T17:32:00.001-05:00

I can't BELIEVE that I didn't include this in the previous list, but JMomma's sister in law gave birth to a beautiful little boy last Saturday, making me Uncle to a nephew for the first time and JMomma a biological Auntie for the first time. Supreme neatocity.

That little counter on the sidebar...

2008-05-29T08:26:00.002-05:00

says that there's only 22 days left! How exciting! There's lots of news in Bizzarroland and very little time to relay it. There's been a Cubs game, Jakers going 5 for 5 in his second game this year (and me getting sunburned on my balding head), a trip to Lambs Farm, Jess going on medical leave (she's ok!), a parakeet named Flappo that lives with us now, and the purchase of Rip Stiks for Jake and I to play with. It's been busy and I'll expound more in the future, Jess is at the doctor now and I'm watching Sara, who doesn't like me typing, it seems.

Until then, Folks!

No Hitter!

2008-05-08T23:46:00.005-05:00

In keeping with the baseball theme of this long, unfolding story, family and friends pitched a no hitter this Sunday. J's baby shower happened on that day, and we've been rearranging, cleaning, revisualizing, and re-rearranging ever since.

I've worried about a lot through this pregnancy, such as the health of the baby, the name of the baby, the proper abundance of toes and fingers of the baby, my ability to be a father (I think that I have the Dad thing down pretty well, I had an outstanding role model), my ability to properly provide for three short people with my time, my ability to properly provide all the necessary vittles and such that three short people mouths require, amongst many other various and sundry issues. The one thing that I've never once worried about is the supreme abundance of loving, generous, humorous, caring, intelligent people that I have to rely on when/if any of the above issues becomes a problem. Our family and friends reinforced that in a major way this weekend.

My mother's hard work in planning and executing this event really shone through. It's one of life's treasures to have a mother, so deeply caring and devoted as mine. Mom, all of your diligent research into everything necessary for Benny serves to belay how excited you are for his arrival. He is a very lucky boy to have a gramma such as yourself. Thank you for being who you are, and know that I've never once in my life been anything but proud to be your son. And thank you for loving JMomma as you would you own daughter. It means a lot to me and I know that you do it from your heart, which makes it even better. Dad - even though you weren't there, your love and wisdom courses through my mind at various and oddly placed times. I'm never without a bit of hillbilly wisdom when I need it, and the kids are as flummoxed by some of the things that I say beacuse of you, as I was when you said them to me. (seriously, how hot IS a goatburger?!) Thanks for allowing Mom to be happy in life and for supporting her in her baby-related binges. You're the bee's knees, Pop.

JMomma's Momma - Your support through this, although unspoken between us, is much appreciated. I trust that my family didn't scare you too much and I'm very happy that you've gotten to see a little bit about who I am through them. (On an unrelated note, Seussical the Musical featuring Dylan was surprisingly, amazing good. He's a very talented young man, and you should be as proud of him as you are. ((On another unrelated note, He's a respectful and kind guest while dining out and tips well, too.)) He's a great reflection of you.) I'm equally excited for Benny to meet you.

Gramma Marie - Thank you for not tripping anybody. I know you were in a position to reek some havoc and it speaks to your character that you didn't take the chance you were given. Benny's gonna love being your 21st great-grandchild, as much as you'll love having 21!

While nothing should've been a surprise, knowing what I know of how awesome you all are, somethings were. The Wisconsin contingent was well represented (Cousin Jackie, you still count as one of them. Don't ask why, you just do.) which was very much appreciated. I love seeing you all and I'm so thankful that you took the time to visit. My Auntie Kim was in attendance, seeing as I'm her godson, I should've expected her. But I didn't for some reason. She's still as beautiful as I remember and her hugs are still as full of love as always.Your hugs and presence were enough for me; your generosity was very much appreciated. You never cease to amaze me, Auntie Kim. Seeing you brought me instantly back to the weeks (and months!) that I spent with your family during my childhood. The grandfather clock gonging all night long, Uncle Larry's Italian flag cabbie hat, Greg Maddux being allowed to sign with the Braves, trips to Kroger, and ghost in the graveyard marathons in your cul-de-sac. Some of the best (Nicky's reaction to the Maddux signing is legendary in my young mind) memories of my childhood with you and yours. Speaking of, Annie is as beautiful now as when she first kissed me (that's how I remember it!). And I'll always call her Annie, even if she doesn't like it so much! Everyone else's attendance was no less special or important to me; these were but a few examples of how lucky I am to be me. To those of you that couldn't attend, you were on my mind and I'm sure that you would've been there if at all possible. Get well, cousins, I'll see you before long. Heidi, thanks for not holding my horrible phone call returning skills against Benny and I (I know that you're an English teacher so I made that all grammatical.).You are a great friend, and will always be.

Thank you again. You've chastened and humbled me yet once more. Benny is in for a ride with this family, and it's one that he'll never want to get off.

Gabriel Has Been Nixed.

2008-04-21T19:09:00.002-05:00

JMomma is a middle name tyrant. Benny may not have a middle name, at this rate. Which would be a fitting tribute to his Grandpa Harold. I'm still pushing Zambrano, with a new emphasis on 0 (the number not the letter) as my 1a choice. You see, Haroldo has no middle name. He receives mail with 0 (the number, not the letter) as his middle name. I find this to be uproarious.

Now you know why lions eat their young...

2008-04-16T00:18:00.003-05:00

That's right, Deadliest Catch has season premiered. If you haven't watched this show you should definitely make some time to enjoy the crab fishermen of the Bering Sea. Jake and I watch it (he thinks that it's happening live) and marvel at what these guys put themselves through. It is truly a great testament to the human condition.

Jakers started baseball practice tonight. I love this time of year! He's already known in his league for being a masher, and he truly is. Even if I weren't his Dad, it is easy to see his preternatural talent for the baseball. Even better, he loves to play. He plays with respect for the game and his teammates and enjoys every second of practice and games. That's all I can really ask. It makes me so proud to see him helping out his teammates, being respectful to his Coach, and bouncing around waiting for his turn. Go Blue Jays!

JMomma had an appointment yesterday. Nothing major to report, except that Benny's turned the right way. He's been kicking J's butt lately with kicks and punches and such. And you can see him move through her stomach if you're paying attention. It's simultaneously glorious and gross. He still gets strangely excited when I lint roll her stomach. My child's got a head start on the weirdness that comes with his family.

On the middle name front, a new contender has emerged and I'll be making my case for it in the coming days. I was watching TV last night and it came to me. Gabriel. This works on a couple different levels for me. There's religious overtones, and the name is reminiscent of a family that's been close to me and mine for as long as I can remember. We'll see how JMomma takes to Bennet Gabriel.

Until next time!

Opening Day's Come and Gone

2008-04-06T23:37:00.002-05:00

This is almost a week late, but here it is none-the-less. Opening day was six days ago, and true to form, the Cubs lost. Fukodome did hit an extremely exciting home run to tie it up. Alas, the excitement was short lived. That was the kind of moment that makes a person fall in love with the game of baseball however. I'll tell Benny of his first (pre-birth) opening day and all of the beers drank and peanuts tossed at random vendors.

Speaking of Benny, HE KICKED ME IN THE FACE. How freakin' cool is that? I put my face to JMomma's belly a few days ago, and started talking to him. I called his name and he responded by kicking me in the face. HARD. It's amazing how hard such a tiny being can kick! Ridiculous even. There's so much going on around here that I've struggled to find time to write about it all. I sit here now in a over-the-counter drug induced haze since I spent the last two days in bed with a severe Spring sickness. I've forgotten what it is that I set out to write about...

We got the glider rocker that we've been looking for. It's strangely exciting to pick out and agree on your first furniture purchase as a married couple, though we were almost spared that joy by salespeople that seemingly didn't want to take our money. In the end, we prevailed as our love and our scant monies are destined to do. It is the coolest glider-rocker ever though. It reclines. It has a 'stop-a-rockin' lever. And it's extra wide for easy access, which is helpful when you're wide in the middle (me), pregnant (JMomma), or four (Sara). The only downer is that the ottoman did not come with said purchase. I refused to buy it as it cost almost as much as the chair. How silly is that? I couldn't have done it based on principle alone. I reckon I'm too Polish to make such a crazy purchase. I won't say that it fits naturally into our living room, but it has found a pretty comfy home with TV viewage space.

"Mom, where does beef jerky come from?"
"Cows."
"How do they know which cows are mean?"
Laughter ensues.

This is a real life exchange between JMomma and the Jake. It amazes me how his mind works. I severely want to know what else it is that passes through his brain. I picked him up from school the other day and he told me that he was learning about 'satisfractions'. I hope my laughter hasn't poisoned the boy.

Enough with the rambling.

Opening Day's Coming Soon!

2008-03-17T23:44:00.002-05:00

It is, but really I couldn't think of a better title. I've read that this is about the time that lil Benny can hear voices. Jess says that he gets excitable when he hears me. I fear that she's just yankin my chain to make me feel important in this process. Either way, it's neat because he hears me and likes it, or JMomma loves me enough to lie to me. I'm sure that if I were him, I would run and hide when Big Sister yelled at my mommy's belly, and me by extension. JMomma also swears up and down that he really loves the smell of bacon. This confirms that he's definitely my child. Bacon frying in the pan gets me out of bed quicker than a fire alarm. Coincidentally, every time that we cook bacon in this apartment, the smoke detectors go crazy. Perhaps it's a Pavlovian response.
A Viking friend of mine just found out that his ladyfriend is expecting a lil Viking in about 6 1/2 months. Get ready to ride the roller coaster BRand. I'm not sure that the world's ready for a super-nice, Spanish speaking, classically good lookin' tiny Viking with a preternatural love of Italian food and sloppy punk rock, but I suspect that it is. Although this should come as no surprise to me, hearing that a friend of mine is expecting his first child has definitively reinforced that it's Grown Up Time. Is it wrong that I refuse to stop dancing at odd times or making up and singing absurd songs at the drop of a hat? Or that fart jokes are still funny? It's funny how I didn't read anywhere that being an adult means you have to be serious about everything. No one ever told me that I can't blast the stereo and rock out with the kids when I grow up. I didn't go to class the day they taught you not to play video games and stay up late watching shitty movies in order to be grown up. It's just rice and beans, folks. I think the muchkins will appreciate more the fact that I've always been willing to enter their world for a few minutes, than the fact that I constantly try to be a better me, for them. Perhaps not. So it goes.

DOH!

2008-03-06T00:40:00.003-06:00

I just realised that my Aunt called me last week and I haven't called her back. And that one of my very best friends in this world called me a couple weeks ago, and I haven't called her back (you know who you are). And that I used the British spelling of a word in the first sentence and didn't change it because I think it makes me appear more intelligent.
Cedric Yarborough, of TV's Reno 911, was in for dinner tonight. I recognized him when I sat him and his ladyfriend, but I couldn't fathom who would confirm my recognition. I walked around the restaurant thinking, damn, who watches extremely funny American TV and not tele-novellas? ( I had an extremely Mejican crew on) As I walked by Luis, he said,"Do you watch Re-" " YES" I interrupted. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "Yup." His identity was confirmed by his credit card, since I can't very well bug the television celebrities if we can't bug the sports celebrities that come in (and very often).
This is but a small representation of how my brain is working these days. I'm all over the place. So I apologise to my Auntie and to my friend. And to Cedric for not telling him how much I enjoy his show. (See how much better that is with the British spelling?) I blame this all on a phenomenon JMomma refers to as BabyBrain. I believe that I've caught it from her. Whereas she may focus on, say, what's for 2nd breakfast, I dwell in the realms of 'I'M GONNA BE A FREAKING FATHER IN LESS THAN 15 WEEKS.' I'm not sure how this happened. I mean, I know HOW it happened. The video that my Mom and Dad rented when I was in the eighth grade pretty well explained that. But I do not know what to do with it. It may be cliche to say that I don't know how to be a father, but I'm a walking cliche these days. A real softie, as the Asian would say. Hopefully, Lil' Z will understand that I've tried my best with him everyday that he's alive. I'll need someone to reinforce that.
Auntie and Friend, I'll call you in the next coupla days. I've forgotten it this long, right? In unrelated news, I've started a new blog that I will keep you appraised of. I will offer this caveat: Do not read it if you are not prepared to deal with the weird stuff that goes on in my head. So, don't read it to any Grammas that you know.
Oh, one more thing. Uncle/Cousin Johnie and Auntie/Cousin Crystal have graciously agreed to be God parents to lil' Z. Pretty freakin' awesome, in my opinion.

Middle Namage.

2008-02-29T09:05:00.002-06:00

With a late push for Christopher, a surprisingly pleasant showing for Zambrano, and a conspiracy for Michael; the middle name poll is now closed. I do appreciate your vote-ageness, and hope that it's made you feel as though you have anything to do with the final decision. I gots to tell you Zambrano is still a very strong, very real possibility. There are also other options that were not included in the poll. I am very surprised that no one liked Lee or Louis.

It is incumbent upon us that the baby is arriving, and soon! Fifteen weeks and some change! And that's until the official due date. I believe that JMomma's gonna pop waaaay earlier. I have June 7th in the office pool in my head. Neatest thing about that day in history? 06/07/08. Awesome, huh? Although, I had a feeling about that day before I realized that. JMomma will never believe me, since I do have a thing for cool dates like that. Whatev.

This is good.

2008-02-29T09:03:00.001-06:00

Click on the Garfield Minus Garfield link in the sidebar. Dr. Joel will enjoy the existentialism of it all. Very minimalist. VERY Funny.

Stuff That Is Good.

2008-02-21T23:22:00.004-06:00

-Freshly made guacamole, with perfectly ripe avocados and orange instead of lime for the citrusy hint that is necessary to good guacamole.
-Realizing that at some point in about four years, I will get to take Bennet to his first Cubs game, and how cool it will be to watch his eyes light up at all that Wrigley has to offer. I am certain that this will mean alot more to me than to him. I am alright with that certainty.
-Feeling our baby kick. That's right. I felt him kick. And HARD. We realized that I was trying to feel the kicks in the wrong place, as Bennet is in the breech position right now. So a couple nights ago, I felt on the underside of J's belly, and KABLOOM! there it was. Awesomest feeling. It was as though he was waiting for me to put my hand in the right position so he could kick it. So, I guess he already thinks I'm an idiot. He's about fourteen years ahead of schedule.
-Knowing that working tomorrow night and Saturday night at the Big D and sandwiching an open shift in at my 'real' job, will leave me exhausted but with enough cash to buy the glider-rocker that JMomma really wants. And probably enough for the glider-ottoman too.
-Hearing that Jake and Sara miss me enough to have made Jess bring them in for dinner tonight. They really light me up and make time go faster. I've explained to everyone that works for me that the munchkin squad is why I put up with some of the stuff that I'm forced to at work. They're such cool little people. Sara learned about words today and Jake learned about George Washington. Did YOU know that he was our first President? Jakey does. He also got his second trimester report card. He has improved on everything that he needed too, but seems to be too much of a perfectionist with his penmanship, amongst other things. I take the blame and will try not to be so hard on him. (I don't think I'm that hard on him, but I do remember a certain Mr. Brewzzarro relating that penmanship is very important to a certain young Master Bizzarro.)
-Trying to figure out why Sara is such a motormouth in her element, but when you take her out it's impossible to get her to talk to anybody. Shy little midget. She does love having her hands washed in a public lavatory, though.
-Explaining to Sara why crayons don't go in salsa and to Jake why it's a bad idea to play with the crayons in the salsa directly after they were taken away from his sister. Chuckleheads.
-Going to sleep, next to my pregnant wife, and thinking of all the stuff that's good in my life.

We now know what we did not know before!

2008-02-13T17:00:00.002-06:00

It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!It's a boy!

He's not here yet, but he IS a HE! Coolness abounds, dudes! It turns out that the name controversy has been necessary, afterall. He's one pound one ounce and is two days ahead of schedule. Revised due date is now June 19th. He has all of his necessary parts and is apparently as healthy as can be! I'm so super excited. True to form, he moved alot during the ultrasound. So much that the ultrasound tech commented on his wiggle-wormed-ness. He's already bucking authority and dancing to his own beat.

That's all for now as I have to get ready to take the cutest little four year old on a date. It's the Valentine's Day dance at her school and she has been gracious enough to ask me to be her 'date'!

Subterfugue Uncovered, Apologies Made!

2008-02-10T09:24:00.000-06:00

I will begin this post by offering my deepest, most sincere apology to JMomma and JMomma's Momma. I was profoundly wrong to have accused and/or suspected you two of perpetrating a poll skewing scam. Not that you two aren't capable of such subtle evil, in this instance the truth has revealed that you are not the "Michael" backers.

Keith is. I never woulda thunk it. After a few barley-pops, Keith (once called Geek by my then three year old neice) admitted to his actions. He apparently has voted from every computer terminal available to him at work, thusly skewing the results. I suppose that he felt guilty because I accused others of his wrongdoing. In the end, he confessed his sins. Thank you for caring enough to debaclize the integrity of the polling process. Interesting, how knowing someone for twenty years makes you appreciate their dastardlyness in a different light, isn't it?

Truth be told, I like Michael as the middle name too. It's grown on me. Stay tuned, as we'll find out on Wednesday whether or not the controversy over naming rights was ever necessary.

Who Knew?

2008-02-04T08:48:00.000-06:00

Who knew that being handsome isn't enough to win a Super Bowl? Eli certainly isn't and he won. Anybody else notice the spoilsport Belichek not being present for the official end of the game? Does that rub anyone else the wrong way?

Subterfugue

2008-02-03T13:52:00.000-06:00

I have yet to ascertain who is skewing the results of the naming poll, but when I find out who it is, I will proBABSly say nothing since my suspicion is that it's my mother-in-law. I will say that I think your collusion with Jess is dispicable.

It's Super Bowl Sunday, and good times will be had by all. Jake, 'Rion, and I are here playing Madden '08 versions of the Super Bowl and stuffing our faces with carrots, celery, chips, and beer. I am the only one having beer. It's fun hanging out with little dudes that have opinions of their own, yet are still malleable. Hopefully the New York Giants will win and make Sean happy. Unfortunately, I have no faith in Eli and Tom is so damn good looking. GO GIANTS!!!!

With Confidence

2008-01-28T09:20:00.001-06:00

I can say, with confidence, that Buster Olney IS a made up name.

With that out of the way, I can move on to less important things. We bought a pre-natal baby monitor the other day. Essentially, it's an amplified stethoscope. It is supposed to allow you to hear the baby's heartbeat, but not until the third trimester. We can hear swooshing around and shallow thuds that Jess swears are the baby kicking the sensor. It's pretty neat and it's engaged the kids more fully in the pregnancy. Sara still screams when talking to the baby, because...well, because she's a ruffian and likes to scream. Jake talks in a baby voice to the baby, assuming that will make him easier to understand. Jess is in utter disbelief that I can't feel the kicks yet. She says they're gigantic and more powerful that she's previously experienced this early in her pregnancies.

Saturday is the official unofficial halfway point until baby's here! Unfortunately, I will be out of town this week attending a conference for new managers at my job. Fortunately, I will be back in time to celebrate this milestone with my family. We also have the sex-finding-out ultrasound coming up, which I'm now strangely excited about.

I've also started moonlighting as a server at a previous place of employment. Pregnancy is expensive y'all. (imagine Paula Deen saying that) Since I'm there purely for extra cash, serving is fun. I'm sure that if it was my bread and butter again, I'd feel differently. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel though, so that makes it easier. I also know that I'm doing it so that my wife and my baby can be more comfortable and have things necessary to their happiness. I suppose I'm beginning to understand how my Mom put up with the bullshit that comes along with serving for so long. Thanks Mom!

Lastly, there has been some resultant controversy revolving around the middle name selection for a male offspring. Apparently, some people feel that I'd be saddling the youngster with an unbearable burden. I've been told that my son will hate me for his middle name. I've been asked what I'll do if Big Z is found to have used steroids or the hgh. I'm still convinced, maybe more-so after the outcry, that Zambrano is a terrific and noble middle name. So, dear readers, I will turn this over to you. There is a new poll posted relating to the middle name issue. With this non-binding resolution, I ask that you help pick the middle name for a male child, should it be so. So please vote. And please comment with your reasons for voting the way you did. Your help will border on the appreciated. Until next time....

Dear Mark Grace,

2008-01-16T20:09:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry for giving you credit for those extra hits. I'm not sure why I thought you were that good. I promise to check my facts about you more thoroughly in future. I have fixed the offending post to reflect the correct statistics.

Professor Bizzarro.

Alright.

2008-01-04T23:56:00.001-06:00

Baby Doctor Appointment Alert!

Sorry. I worked a lot last week and, as a result, did not have the time nor the inclination to write. Also, Jake has become addicted to his Webkin and has slowly taken all of the prime computer time away. And then the computer was doing some weird stall thingy. But that's all fixed now. So let's move on.

I've taken to post from the dead soldier-guy down. It was pointed out to me that it was depressing, and had nothing to do with Project Zambrano. I hope those of you that took the time to read it found it as compelling as I did.

I got to hear the heartbeat today! Jess lost the baby, again. He (or she) finally revealed him(her)self, and the most beautiful little heartbeat was heard! What an outstandingly great sound it is! I'm getting so excited now, I cannot wait! Then we read baby magazines, and worked on the birthing plan. Jess says we can't give it to our doctor due to references to random Mexicans and a profound love of epidurals, but I'm pretty sure that I can sneak it past her.
Mom Bizzarro has intimated that she'd like to buy a crib for baby, so we spent a portion of yesterday long-distance websurfing with each other. It really impressed on me the space issues we're gonna deal with here, but hey, it can only make us a closer family. Right? I hope so, cuz' we don't have much of a choice. It also impressed on me the sincere excitement that Mom is feeling. I'm really excited to see her with her grandchild. I'm excited to introduce our baby to my Dad. Really, I want to introduce him (or her) to all of the awesome people in my family that I've been telling him (or her) about.
Jess says that when I put my hand on her belly, the baby moves to my hand. Neat, huh? I never would've thought that that happens, but it sure is amazing to know. I can't feel the kicks yet. I can encourage them, however!
One last tasty morsel. We have finally decided on names for the baby. The girl name was easy and kind of came together very easily. Grace Marie. Grace is Jess's mother's middle name and is the name of one of my favorite Cubs (Mark Grace, if you're taking notes.) Marie is my gramma's name and has always been my choice for a baby girl. It is also my mother's middle name and Jess's. So the baby will be named after four of the most intelligent, generous, strong, esteemed, funny, influential, and loved women in my life. And one first baseman with 2,445 hits. After much deliberation, a boy's name has been chosen. Jess didn't like most of my familial names and I thought her names were very...bad. Not to mention the fact that we had to make sure the name goes with Zambrano as a middle name. Xavier was out immediately. Reed was a strong possibility, but was quickly tossed aside. Jonny was a very strong contender, down to the last few, but languished in a disagreement as to whether it should be Jonny or Johnathon. I don't much care for Johnathon but really like Jonny. There was some strong lobbying for Jonny (preferably spelled Johnie), but I had to block the outside interests. (you know who you are) Keith was bandied about. I had my heart set on Henry or Hank. Michael, Christopher, Benjamin, Ethan (yuk!), Harold (I fought for you, Dad!), Merle (in deference to Haggard, in memory of my grandfather), and countless other names made lists, were crossed off of lists, added back on, ruminated on, thought about, or tossed in the pot. Then I came upon an name that I loved; that really struck me as being right for my son (if it's a boy, that is!). It's alliterative properties probably took me first. The fact that it seems like a common name but isn't, struck me next. It is a strong and confident name. It's reminiscent of a friend of long ago. It feels right, much in the way Grace Marie felt right. And Jess agreed. So...it's Bennet.

Madame Zaritska's reading

2008-01-03T00:30:00.000-06:00

Madame Zaritska, our resident clairvoyant, wants to help you prepare for the arrival of your child. Here she does her best to predict certain aspects of your labor and birth experience.
What she senses for you: The day you deliver, outside will be overcast. Your baby will arrive in the evening.
After a labor lasting approximately 19 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 7 pounds, 2 ounces, and will be 20 inches long. This child will have light brown eyes and some very fine hair.
But there is more. I know you imagine your baby often. You wonder if your baby is safe and healthy. Why don't you go listen to a baby's heartbeat and think soothing thoughts about your own child.

I found this on some website that claims to be able to predict stuff about the baby, due to your preferences for the smell of lavender, the last animal you saw, amongst other odd information. Jess'll be MAD to read the twenty hour labor part. MAD! But, she'll probably be alright with the seven pound, two ounce thing; since these other two were gigantors.

A Plethora of Goodness

2008-01-01T07:41:00.000-06:00

After taking some time off to enjoy the holidays and the various and sundry activities that come with them, I have returned to the blogosphere! I know my peeps have been clamoring for updates, and I try to be one to not disappoint. Ok. Really, it was Johnie that clamored.
So much excessively awesome stuff has happened since my last posting, but I wanted to focus on a couple-three.
The baby kicked Jess! Well, who else would he or she kick? As Jess reached for the remote last week, she was startled by a tinsey baby kick. I was texteded at work to be informed that our baby was being abusive. Good for you, baby!
Secondly, notes on occurrence that occurred just this morningly. I felt the baby move! This is seriously the best, most double amazing thing that I've ever felt. I had my hand on Jess's belly and felt the baby move repeatedly. Right now, it feels like a flutter against Jess's tummy. Almost like localized gas, except it's the COOLEST LOCALIZED GAS FEELING FLUTTER EVER!
And lastfully, Saturday was my grandmother's 90th birthday party. All of my cousins and aunts and uncles were in attendance. What great fun it was to see so many happy people celebrating the life of such a wonderful woman. Grandma has always been a large presence in so many of our lives, in so many different ways. For me, it's always been Tang flavored drink in the closet and a ready batch of oatmeal raisin cookies along with all the tangential warmness that attaches itself so readily. Looking around the room, it was easy to see that Grandma Marie will live on in the easy smiles and laugh-ready demeanor of her four children, eighteen grandchildren, and twenty (for now) great-grandchildren. And the amount of dimples that came from her are too many to count! Also, my mother had a few shots. She decided that Jess would really enjoy the party favors. So she collected some on her own. She then enlisted poor Jakey into her life of crime, and made him sneak around the room snatching them. And apparently, she was heard loudly saying, "These stupid Polacks will just throw them away!" referring to the banquet servers. She remembers none of this. Sounds about right. I hope to have another opportunity to visit with my cousins (and second cousins) at a happy occasion again in the next twenty years or so! The conversations about hereditary migrational body hair, notwithstanding, fun was had by all. And to Grandma's friend Gertie, Jess thinks your leopard print top and hat are outstanding.
More to come in the coming days, as the holiday breaks are over!

Doctor Visit Alert!

2007-12-13T18:05:00.000-06:00

The child is already showing signs of personality. Jess had an appointment today (which you may have guess, by the title of this here entry). Nothing special, just a routine how-do-you-do type meetin' with the doctor. However, the nurse couldn't find the baby's heart beat. She told Jess not to worry, which, of course, made Jess worry. The nurse got the doctor to check for the heartbeat. She couldn't find it either. So, Jess worried more. They made a hasty retreat to the ultrasound room (located in the basement of the office, it's kind of creepy, especially when Weird-Ultrasound-Operator Gary is your guide). After some poking and prodding, the baby was found. Doctor said that it's moving around like crazy in there, and she had to chase it around to keep track of the heartbeat. A whirling dervish, the baby is! My theory is that the baby realized that it was late decorating for christmas, and decided that it had to make up time. I'm sure that it was pretty drab in there before the decorating. Best part of it all, I can take solace in knowing that I was not the first one to lose track of the baby! Jess already lost her (or him) once! I always win that argument from now on!

Good Fun!

2007-12-06T19:13:00.000-06:00

Haven't written much, lately, because there hasn't been much to tell. Also, I've spent lots of time studying for my skill-out of training (and playing interweb poker). I'm now official at my job. I'm out of training and stationed at the store that I'll be at on a permanent basis. Hallelujah, ten minute drives to work! The day after a snow storm, even! Refreshingly awesome, it is. It's a little bit intimidating with all the new faces and personalities and all, but it seems that I'm seeking those types of situations lately!

Since Jess will be 12 weeks (12 weeks bringing an outstanding reduction of any chance of miscarriage, knock on wood y'all) tomorrow, she decided that it'd be alright to tell the kiddies. I've been SOOOOOO excited for this time to come around, because I really want the midgets to share in our excitement and be able to be involved in the process. So, I'll set the scene.

We sat down to eat dinner. Jess told the kids that I had something to tell them. Sara got happy and really wanted to know what it was. Jake acted decidedly uninterested. So, I feigned not wanting to tell them due to an unacceptable level of excitedness. Sara played along and became even more animated. Jake kinda stared at the bowl of food in front of him. (An aside, he gave himself a big knot on his head during gym class yesterday. Apparently, he went to the washroom. After he was done washing his hands, a big mean wall jumped up behind him. Jake didn't see said wall. He ran, obviously, head first into the wall. He then had to explain the situation to his teacher. She didn't believe that he had knotted himself so good. Jess heard the story and immediately assured the teacher that this was, in fact, quite probable with our son.) So, I pretended that I'd then tell only Sara. While pretending to whisper in Sara's ear, Jake apparently got interested in the secret. As the words, "Mommy's pregnant" left my mouth, Jake-y called out "No, She's not!" in a started and excited tone. Once he was sufficiently assured that we were not joking, he smiled broadly and proudly upon the realization that he'd get to be the biggest brother! Sara was understandably upset that we are not prepared since we do not have diapers. While I'm sure that this hasn't truly set in with Jake (he's running around singing "I'm a soul man" repeatedly) yet, I'm just as sure that Sara doesn't fully comprehend the magnitude of the lil' dude (or dudette) about to join us. She did tell Jess that since this is number three, she'd expect numbers four and five in rapid succession though. The kibosh was squarely and severely placed upon that idea!

Oh. Another thing. We got to play in the snow during Tuesday's snow storm. It was undoubtedly outstanding seeing the joy on my family's faces as we made snow angels, threw snow balls at each other, and made the world's smallest, most patheticist snowman(but he was our snowman, and we loved him for it). To those with kids, this is just a reminder to take the opportunity to be kids with them. It's an amazing experience that we sometimes lose track of in the hustle and bustle of trying to make it to the next paycheck. To those without kids (in life, or in the house anymore), try having a snowball fight with your significant other or building a snowman. I'd wager that the joy it'd bring to your hearts and the childlike excitement that it would elicit will, most definitely, be worth the wet clothes, messy mud rooms, and cold limbs. And to everyone: Don't forget how good hot chocolate (with little marshmallows in it) is!

Lately,

2007-11-27T12:24:00.000-06:00

There's been not much news on the pregnancy front. Jess goes to sleep at about 8:30 every night due to a proestrogen supplement that she has to take. Her levels of that hormone are normal bordering on low, so her doctor has decided to add some insurance. Proestrogen is one of the hormones that helps the baby "stick" in there, until the placenta is fully formed. Interestingly enough, it is also used in certain birth control regimens, and it says clearly on the bottle "DO NOT TAKE IF PREGNANT". Our doctor said not to read any label on the bottle due to that warning, so we're having faith that she knows what she's doing.

We started a new tradition at the Bizzarro family home last night. Our town has a "Winter Wonderland" where they set up all types of lights in all different shapes. You drive through it at your leisure, and stare in wonderment at all the cool things that they've managed to shape out of light. So we all got in our pajamas at 5:30 at night, put on our assorted santa hats, and set out. I also wore my robe, which embarrassed only Jess. We had so much fun on that 15 minute drive, that the kids want to do it again before Christmas. Jake didn't even get that bored! Next time we'll have to bring Hank and Frank along so that they can see their toy soldier friends and catch up on the happenings in toy soldier-land. I can only hope that it does not lead to them longing for the freedom that their friends have. Surely, they realize the important work that they do here, keeping us safe year-round. The best part was getting to have hot chocolate with marshmallows when we got home. Yum.

It also crossed my mind that I have not mentioned two very important little girls that I love very much. Your Uncle is an idiot. But you already knew that! Just taking a second to let you two know that you are loved supremely and are missed here at Casa de Bizzarro, by everyone that lives here. You are always welcome in our home, and you occupy a large chunk of my love. I'm immensely proud of you for being who you are, and for thriving under the circumstances that life has handed you. Your ability to bring a smile to my face by just thinking of you is cherished. And we all hope to see you here soon!

Turkey-Day Thankfullness

2007-11-21T18:00:00.000-06:00

I realize more and more everyday all the things that I have to be grateful for, and all the things that I unknowingly take for granted.

I'm thankful for morning sickness, because it means that I'm going to be a Daddy!
I'm thankful for mood swings, because it means that I get to enjoy every moment of our baby's development.
I'm thankful for guilt trips, because it means my mother is still alive. (just joking , Mom!)
I'm thankful for hour long rides to Hampshire, because it means that I can cook my grandmother dinner.
I'm thankful for being able to cook my grandmother dinner, because it gives me the opportunity to learn things that I've never known about her.
I'm thankful that Jakey keeps saying "ah-ker-is" when reading "across", because it means that he's uncovering the magic of reading.
I'm thankful that Sarina wakes me up at 5 o'clock in the morning to watch cartoons, because she won't be able to stand me soon enough.
I'm thankful that Jakey cackles like a mad man at my stupid jokes, because he'll realize how stupid they really are soon enough.
I'm thankful for parking lots, because they give me an opportunity to hold hands with my best friends.
I'm thankful that my Dad chose to love and father me, because he didn't have to.
I'm thankful for HUGE cellphone bills, because they mean that my wife is calling me (sometimes).
I'm thankful for my car payment, because it means that I can pay it.
I'm thankful for 4:30 alarm clocks, because they mean I have a job.
I'm thankful for Jess's smile, because it means that I'm doing something right.
I'm thankful for drunken texts from my friends, because they mean that I can laugh.
I'm thankful for my Cousin Johnie, because he's shown me what having a brother is like.
I'm thankful for my last name, because it reminds me of the kind of father I won't be.
I'm thankful that every kiss begins with Kay, because she married me (sucker!).
I'm thankful that Jake, Sara, and Jess have taken to having conversations with Hank, Frank, and Pedro the Penguin.
I'm thankful that you've taken the time to read this, because your time is valuable and you could've been doing something else like picking your toe nails or making cranberry sauce for tomorrow's festivities.

Remember all that you have to be thankful for this Thanksgiving and all the Indians we tricked to be here.

Sometimes, I write poetry.

2007-11-19T02:21:00.000-06:00

steps (for my unborn)

just give me a chance
and let me be wrong,
please just smile,
and pretend that I’m not.
i will learn as much
from you, as you
will from me.
we are both taking
steps
and learning and
growing and smiling
and thinking and
teaching and loving.
all that i ask
is every now and then
just smile
and pretend that I’m right.

On Aunts and Uncles...

2007-11-17T23:10:00.000-06:00

I've thought a lot lately about the influence that my Aunts and Uncles have had on me. It has always been a very subtle yet very poignant influence in my life. Our child will have four biological uncles and two aunts by marriage (not any less valid of a relationship, just noting that as a matter of course.) Uncle Nick and Aunt Krista and Uncle Dylan, from Jess's side, will be a part of our child's life, no doubt. I've known them for a relatively short period of time, and the love and guidance that they shower on Jake and Sara is invaluable and cherished, by them and me. Uncle Greg and Uncle Rick (from my side) will most likely not be a part of our child's life (I will be more than happy to explain to any of you that do not understand, why this is so). While that causes ambivalence on my part, I am very comfortable about it. I know that our child will have an Uncle Keith, Uncle Kurt, Uncle Kevin, Uncle Freddy, Uncle Roc (if he ever returns a phone call), Uncle Geoff, Uncle Johnie, and Aunt Crystal, Aunt Kari, Asian Aunt Crystal, and Aunt Heidi. Until I wrote that sentence, I worried about the absence of influence and guidance in our baby's life, from Aunts and Uncles, that I have enjoyed and relished in my life. Through my Uncle Tommy, Uncle Ronnie, Uncle Larry, Auntie Bev, Aunt Terry and Auntie Kim; I have learned perseverance, humor, and unconditional acceptance amongst countless other virtues and values. I haven't always taken the time to thank them for their invaluable affect on me and advice to me. I doubt that they even realize the profound respect and love that I have for them. I'm certain that they do not know that I think of them often and that I hold them in the highest of esteem. The many life lessons that I've taken from them have helped me to be who I am today. They have helped me to understand that I can and should always strive to live my life being true to myself. They've taught me to value and learn from viewpoints different from my own. They've done all of this (and lots more) without even realizing it. There is no way that I can ever repay them for their love and guidance. I hope that they now know that I live my life constantly trying to make them proud. To my Aunts and Uncles, Thank you deeply for your trust and belief in me. I can never repay you for being what you are to me, but I can try! To those of you that I've identified as the Aunts and Uncles of our child, I have utmost faith that you will be to little Shaka, what my Aunts and Uncles have been to me. I know that it will come effortlessly to you. I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being who you are. My confidence in you may not seem like much; please know that it does not come lightly.

HOLY CRAP!

2007-11-15T00:28:00.000-06:00

We saw the heartbeat! We couldn't hear it due to the type of ultrasound, but WE SAW THE FREAKIN' HEARTBEAT!!!! Had they used the wand ultrasound thingy (if you don't know what I'm talking about, watch Knocked Up((Thanks Cousin Kari, that movie is funny and educational!))(((Sorry, Dr. Joel. No superduper ultrasound info this time around)))), we would've been able to. This one was for more accurate dating purposes, and a conventional ultrasound was suitable. Except for weird ultrasound operator guy Gary, this was a magical experience. I'm not certain why he found it necessary to tell us that he wanted to sell his medical imaging business and get into the restaurant business during one of the absolute coolest moment of my life (this far!), but he did. Weird dude for other reasons too. But not creepy weird, just off kilter weird. Anyways, we needed the more accurate dating of the baby to insure that we'll be able to make use of the many screenings that are available. We're still in discussions on these, as the implications are far reaching and possibly severe. For instance, the first screening that they can do is for Downs syndrome. We can have that test during the first trimester only. Our natural inclination on these screenings is that they are unnecessary in our circumstances. We have no family history. Jake and Sara have no birth defects (personality disorders, maybe, but no defects). And Jess is not over 35. We found out today that our baby is alone in the womb. Sorry, voters for twins, you are wrong! We were also informed that the strength of the heartbeat means it's a girl. The doctor was quick to point out that this is an old wives' tale, but she was the one that proffered the information! Unprompted, even! We got our first picture of lil Shaka. I spent all night at work thinking of the image of the teeny-tiny baby heart flapping away. 188 beats per minute! Interestingly, the baby (technically - an embryo) weighs about four paperclips right now. The baby book that we got this info from does not specify whether they are standard or jumbo. Jess thinks standard, I think jumbo. Nevertheless, there are four paperclips hanging off our refrigerator, a silly reminder that life is growing in our home!

June 20th!

2007-11-12T19:46:00.000-06:00

That's the preliminary due date! How cool is that?! For no reason other than it's the due date. I'm so excitedly over-the-moon! This is really affecting me in ways that I thought it wouldn't, but this strangely makes the baby real to me. I knew of it before, but now I know when it'll show up! Double neat! And the best part... On Wednesday, Jess is going for the first ultrasound. I get to hear the baby's heartbeat! WOW! This is so super-cool that I'm using words like super-cool! I cannot even describe whats going on in my mind right now. I'm terrified of so many things, I'm excited by this whole experience, and I'm impatient. I want to know our baby now! Mostly though, I'm happy. Purely and really happy. Until next time!

Today's The Day!

2007-11-12T02:52:00.000-06:00

Well, it's A day, anyways, but an important one. Jess has an appointment to see the gynechiatrist and we should have a reasonable approximation of the due date. It's possible that we'll even know the sex. I'm gonna try to stay away from that knowledge. Unfortunately, I have to work, so I won't be able to accompany Jess to this appointment. Nevertheless, I'm apt to be excited. (Special thanks to Keith and Dusty for the resurgence of the word 'apt' in my vocabulary, you've made me see the error of my ways. Also, it good to know that I've always had friends that I can laugh with so easily. You all make me realize how lucky I am.)

Matrimonial Testimonial

2007-11-08T07:12:00.000-06:00

Yup, that's right. We got married. Yesterday. At the courthouse. I didn't even need Rock to lend me the ten bucks! I feel like I'm making real strides here, people! For such a short ceremony, it was beautiful and poignant, and, obviously, something that I'll never forget. We were talking about getting married next year, before Project Zambrano popped up. See, having a baby makes you flexible to change! Jacob has decided to call me Pop, which cracks him up to no end. Sara has loudly demanded that she'll call me Dad. Both fill me with a sense of pride that I did nothing to deserve. Pretty Awesome.
On a related but unrelated note, we didn't invite anyone to the ceremony. This at first disappointed Mrs. Brewster. But she did her best to (appear to,anyways) be o.k. with it. Those of you that know my mother know that she's an important part of my life. You also know that she has a...strong personality. She has continuously surprised me throughout this time of my life, by offering unsolicited and very real support. She's the best. I know what unconditional love for a child is because of her, and I proud to say that she's my best friend. Thanks, Mom!
And we cannot forget Harold. My Dad. The best man that I know, and the best role model I could ever wish for in being a Dad. Your uncompromising morals and principles (while the cause of consternation between us as I grew up), absolutely taught me the values that I want to pass on. I'm grateful to know that when I'm unsure of something, you always seem to have an answer. Thanks, Pop!
Just wanted to take that time to let these very important people in my life know that I love them and will always, no matter what!

Swiper, No Swiping!

2007-11-06T22:29:00.000-06:00

Who voted for twins?! Do you not like me? Two of you people. Probably the flatmates. Although, I guess that'd be really awesome too. Oh, a funny thing happened last night. Well, It was funny to me, anyways, and so you're damned to read it. Jess went to pick Jake up from CCD last night, so Sara and I stayed home. I was implored to watch Dora the Explorer with her. Needless to say, when J&J got home, we were found doing the Coconut Congo in an effort to help Dora get to the Mermaid Kingdom. Pretty standard up until now. However, Sara had p.js and her brand new combination hat/mittens/scerf (it's a scerf, not a scarf) set on, and I had p.j.s, gloves, and a vampire cape on. Sara demanded that it be so. And it was wonderful, especially when we chased Jake around trying to get him to wiggle and congo with us. Everyone knows that the more congoers you have, the easier it is to get to the Mermaid Kingdom.

The Name of this here blog...

2007-11-05T15:05:00.000-06:00

I guess that I should explain the name, huh? Alright then. I will. We haven't told the kids that they have a brother or sister on the way. I convinced/tricked Jess into agreeing to have the middle name of a male child be Zambrano. Hence, when we speak of the pregnancy around the house, we refer to it as Project Zambrano. Kind of spy-y, isn't it? And we all know how much I wanted to be a spy before the horrible watermelon incident of 2001.

Reaction to Dr. Joel's votings.

2007-11-05T05:14:00.000-06:00

Dr. Joel,
I have been nothing but nice to you, so far as I can remember. I still have the coat with the patches on it. It's waiting for you. Yet, your obsession with science has allowed you to not back me up in my quest to not know what sex the child is. That hurts, inside.
Thank you for your time,
Not Dr. Chris.

(Also, it's not that serious.)
(Also, I'm now trying to quit smoking.)
(Also, that sucks.)
(Also, this one's just for fun.)
(Also, this one's the last one.)

Reflejos

2007-11-04T05:43:00.000-06:00

So, I just read my last (first post) and was shocked to see how saccharine it was. We're gonna find out a due date next Monday. Jess thinks the baby's about two months, I think closer to or over three months. I'll defer to her prior experience here. I'm having a problem with knowing the sex of the baby before, though. Jess demands it and I feel just as strongly that we don't know. I'm sure that you all know how this'll pan out. That's right, we're gonna find out. Then I'll let you, my faithful readers know... But this does intrigue me, and I'd like to know what your feelings on the matter are. so I'm adding a poll about learning the baby's sex and whether you think this baby is a boy or a girl. (I think girl, she thinks boy. Ugh.)

Inaugural Post

2007-11-02T04:40:00.000-05:00

If anyone that doesn't know me should accidentally meander to this bloggeration, I wanted to make sure that you are sufficiently aware of the backstory. And those of you that do know me, you may learn somethings about me inadvertently. Fun for all!
About a year ago, I moved in with Jessica and her kids; Jacob (7) and Sara (almost 4)(those ages are now, not then). Jessica is an awesome woman. I can say without trepidation that she is the first woman that I've been with that has put me first in her mind (well, second to the chil'rens, but that's alright by me.). She's been a light in my life. She's allowed me to believe in myself more fully than I ever have. In short, I love her like no one before. Jacob is the most caring, kind, and lovable kid you'll ever meet. A new best friend to me. Sara is sweet and evil, manipulative and unabashedly so. Another new best friend to me. These are my lil' dudes, my companeros, my compadres, my own personal midget squad. These are my kids, no two ways about it. See I thought that I was looking for "the One", but it seems that "The Three" is what eluded me. I think of them all day long, and get home as soon as possible at night to be with them. Even when they're sleeping already, due to my stupid hours, it feels good to lay eyes on them.
I'm constantly amazed at what I learn from them. I'm constantly amazed at how little I knew before. Jessica's loving-kindness, the simplistic black/white honesty of the ninos, can I teach them more than they teach me? Does it matter? This past year has been the most enriching experience of my life.
Oh yeah, the title of the blog. On Monday, (Oct 29th, 07) We found out that Jess is pregnant with my very first biological child. How cool is that?! I'm terrified. I'm excited. I'm writing this blog for my own mental health, and with the hopes that family and friends will check in to see the progress and the process . Once we tell them, that is.
So, I'll post here ,at least weekly, with information and such. I'll probably ask more questions than I answer, so please help me out through the comments section. One super cool thing before I go....apparently, my child doesn't do mornings. She's decided to make Jess sick at night. I, of course, have been blamed for this.