Doctor Visit Alert!

The child is already showing signs of personality. Jess had an appointment today (which you may have guess, by the title of this here entry). Nothing special, just a routine how-do-you-do type meetin' with the doctor. However, the nurse couldn't find the baby's heart beat. She told Jess not to worry, which, of course, made Jess worry. The nurse got the doctor to check for the heartbeat. She couldn't find it either. So, Jess worried more. They made a hasty retreat to the ultrasound room (located in the basement of the office, it's kind of creepy, especially when Weird-Ultrasound-Operator Gary is your guide). After some poking and prodding, the baby was found. Doctor said that it's moving around like crazy in there, and she had to chase it around to keep track of the heartbeat. A whirling dervish, the baby is! My theory is that the baby realized that it was late decorating for christmas, and decided that it had to make up time. I'm sure that it was pretty drab in there before the decorating. Best part of it all, I can take solace in knowing that I was not the first one to lose track of the baby! Jess already lost her (or him) once! I always win that argument from now on!

Good Fun!

Haven't written much, lately, because there hasn't been much to tell. Also, I've spent lots of time studying for my skill-out of training (and playing interweb poker). I'm now official at my job. I'm out of training and stationed at the store that I'll be at on a permanent basis. Hallelujah, ten minute drives to work! The day after a snow storm, even! Refreshingly awesome, it is. It's a little bit intimidating with all the new faces and personalities and all, but it seems that I'm seeking those types of situations lately!

Since Jess will be 12 weeks (12 weeks bringing an outstanding reduction of any chance of miscarriage, knock on wood y'all) tomorrow, she decided that it'd be alright to tell the kiddies. I've been SOOOOOO excited for this time to come around, because I really want the midgets to share in our excitement and be able to be involved in the process. So, I'll set the scene.

We sat down to eat dinner. Jess told the kids that I had something to tell them. Sara got happy and really wanted to know what it was. Jake acted decidedly uninterested. So, I feigned not wanting to tell them due to an unacceptable level of excitedness. Sara played along and became even more animated. Jake kinda stared at the bowl of food in front of him. (An aside, he gave himself a big knot on his head during gym class yesterday. Apparently, he went to the washroom. After he was done washing his hands, a big mean wall jumped up behind him. Jake didn't see said wall. He ran, obviously, head first into the wall. He then had to explain the situation to his teacher. She didn't believe that he had knotted himself so good. Jess heard the story and immediately assured the teacher that this was, in fact, quite probable with our son.) So, I pretended that I'd then tell only Sara. While pretending to whisper in Sara's ear, Jake apparently got interested in the secret. As the words, "Mommy's pregnant" left my mouth, Jake-y called out "No, She's not!" in a started and excited tone. Once he was sufficiently assured that we were not joking, he smiled broadly and proudly upon the realization that he'd get to be the biggest brother! Sara was understandably upset that we are not prepared since we do not have diapers. While I'm sure that this hasn't truly set in with Jake (he's running around singing "I'm a soul man" repeatedly) yet, I'm just as sure that Sara doesn't fully comprehend the magnitude of the lil' dude (or dudette) about to join us. She did tell Jess that since this is number three, she'd expect numbers four and five in rapid succession though. The kibosh was squarely and severely placed upon that idea!

Oh. Another thing. We got to play in the snow during Tuesday's snow storm. It was undoubtedly outstanding seeing the joy on my family's faces as we made snow angels, threw snow balls at each other, and made the world's smallest, most patheticist snowman(but he was our snowman, and we loved him for it). To those with kids, this is just a reminder to take the opportunity to be kids with them. It's an amazing experience that we sometimes lose track of in the hustle and bustle of trying to make it to the next paycheck. To those without kids (in life, or in the house anymore), try having a snowball fight with your significant other or building a snowman. I'd wager that the joy it'd bring to your hearts and the childlike excitement that it would elicit will, most definitely, be worth the wet clothes, messy mud rooms, and cold limbs. And to everyone: Don't forget how good hot chocolate (with little marshmallows in it) is!

Lately,

There's been not much news on the pregnancy front. Jess goes to sleep at about 8:30 every night due to a proestrogen supplement that she has to take. Her levels of that hormone are normal bordering on low, so her doctor has decided to add some insurance. Proestrogen is one of the hormones that helps the baby "stick" in there, until the placenta is fully formed. Interestingly enough, it is also used in certain birth control regimens, and it says clearly on the bottle "DO NOT TAKE IF PREGNANT". Our doctor said not to read any label on the bottle due to that warning, so we're having faith that she knows what she's doing.

We started a new tradition at the Bizzarro family home last night. Our town has a "Winter Wonderland" where they set up all types of lights in all different shapes. You drive through it at your leisure, and stare in wonderment at all the cool things that they've managed to shape out of light. So we all got in our pajamas at 5:30 at night, put on our assorted santa hats, and set out. I also wore my robe, which embarrassed only Jess. We had so much fun on that 15 minute drive, that the kids want to do it again before Christmas. Jake didn't even get that bored! Next time we'll have to bring Hank and Frank along so that they can see their toy soldier friends and catch up on the happenings in toy soldier-land. I can only hope that it does not lead to them longing for the freedom that their friends have. Surely, they realize the important work that they do here, keeping us safe year-round. The best part was getting to have hot chocolate with marshmallows when we got home. Yum.

It also crossed my mind that I have not mentioned two very important little girls that I love very much. Your Uncle is an idiot. But you already knew that! Just taking a second to let you two know that you are loved supremely and are missed here at Casa de Bizzarro, by everyone that lives here. You are always welcome in our home, and you occupy a large chunk of my love. I'm immensely proud of you for being who you are, and for thriving under the circumstances that life has handed you. Your ability to bring a smile to my face by just thinking of you is cherished. And we all hope to see you here soon!

Turkey-Day Thankfullness

I realize more and more everyday all the things that I have to be grateful for, and all the things that I unknowingly take for granted.

I'm thankful for morning sickness, because it means that I'm going to be a Daddy!
I'm thankful for mood swings, because it means that I get to enjoy every moment of our baby's development.
I'm thankful for guilt trips, because it means my mother is still alive. (just joking , Mom!)
I'm thankful for hour long rides to Hampshire, because it means that I can cook my grandmother dinner.
I'm thankful for being able to cook my grandmother dinner, because it gives me the opportunity to learn things that I've never known about her.
I'm thankful that Jakey keeps saying "ah-ker-is" when reading "across", because it means that he's uncovering the magic of reading.
I'm thankful that Sarina wakes me up at 5 o'clock in the morning to watch cartoons, because she won't be able to stand me soon enough.
I'm thankful that Jakey cackles like a mad man at my stupid jokes, because he'll realize how stupid they really are soon enough.
I'm thankful for parking lots, because they give me an opportunity to hold hands with my best friends.
I'm thankful that my Dad chose to love and father me, because he didn't have to.
I'm thankful for HUGE cellphone bills, because they mean that my wife is calling me (sometimes).
I'm thankful for my car payment, because it means that I can pay it.
I'm thankful for 4:30 alarm clocks, because they mean I have a job.
I'm thankful for Jess's smile, because it means that I'm doing something right.
I'm thankful for drunken texts from my friends, because they mean that I can laugh.
I'm thankful for my Cousin Johnie, because he's shown me what having a brother is like.
I'm thankful for my last name, because it reminds me of the kind of father I won't be.
I'm thankful that every kiss begins with Kay, because she married me (sucker!).
I'm thankful that Jake, Sara, and Jess have taken to having conversations with Hank, Frank, and Pedro the Penguin.
I'm thankful that you've taken the time to read this, because your time is valuable and you could've been doing something else like picking your toe nails or making cranberry sauce for tomorrow's festivities.

Remember all that you have to be thankful for this Thanksgiving and all the Indians we tricked to be here.

Sometimes, I write poetry.

steps (for my unborn)

just give me a chance
and let me be wrong,
please just smile,
and pretend that I’m not.
i will learn as much
from you, as you
will from me.
we are both taking
steps
and learning and
growing and smiling
and thinking and
teaching and loving.
all that i ask
is every now and then
just smile
and pretend that I’m right.

On Aunts and Uncles...

I've thought a lot lately about the influence that my Aunts and Uncles have had on me. It has always been a very subtle yet very poignant influence in my life. Our child will have four biological uncles and two aunts by marriage (not any less valid of a relationship, just noting that as a matter of course.) Uncle Nick and Aunt Krista and Uncle Dylan, from Jess's side, will be a part of our child's life, no doubt. I've known them for a relatively short period of time, and the love and guidance that they shower on Jake and Sara is invaluable and cherished, by them and me. Uncle Greg and Uncle Rick (from my side) will most likely not be a part of our child's life (I will be more than happy to explain to any of you that do not understand, why this is so). While that causes ambivalence on my part, I am very comfortable about it. I know that our child will have an Uncle Keith, Uncle Kurt, Uncle Kevin, Uncle Freddy, Uncle Roc (if he ever returns a phone call), Uncle Geoff, Uncle Johnie, and Aunt Crystal, Aunt Kari, Asian Aunt Crystal, and Aunt Heidi. Until I wrote that sentence, I worried about the absence of influence and guidance in our baby's life, from Aunts and Uncles, that I have enjoyed and relished in my life. Through my Uncle Tommy, Uncle Ronnie, Uncle Larry, Auntie Bev, Aunt Terry and Auntie Kim; I have learned perseverance, humor, and unconditional acceptance amongst countless other virtues and values. I haven't always taken the time to thank them for their invaluable affect on me and advice to me. I doubt that they even realize the profound respect and love that I have for them. I'm certain that they do not know that I think of them often and that I hold them in the highest of esteem. The many life lessons that I've taken from them have helped me to be who I am today. They have helped me to understand that I can and should always strive to live my life being true to myself. They've taught me to value and learn from viewpoints different from my own. They've done all of this (and lots more) without even realizing it. There is no way that I can ever repay them for their love and guidance. I hope that they now know that I live my life constantly trying to make them proud. To my Aunts and Uncles, Thank you deeply for your trust and belief in me. I can never repay you for being what you are to me, but I can try! To those of you that I've identified as the Aunts and Uncles of our child, I have utmost faith that you will be to little Shaka, what my Aunts and Uncles have been to me. I know that it will come effortlessly to you. I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being who you are. My confidence in you may not seem like much; please know that it does not come lightly.

HOLY CRAP!

We saw the heartbeat! We couldn't hear it due to the type of ultrasound, but WE SAW THE FREAKIN' HEARTBEAT!!!! Had they used the wand ultrasound thingy (if you don't know what I'm talking about, watch Knocked Up((Thanks Cousin Kari, that movie is funny and educational!))(((Sorry, Dr. Joel. No superduper ultrasound info this time around)))), we would've been able to. This one was for more accurate dating purposes, and a conventional ultrasound was suitable. Except for weird ultrasound operator guy Gary, this was a magical experience. I'm not certain why he found it necessary to tell us that he wanted to sell his medical imaging business and get into the restaurant business during one of the absolute coolest moment of my life (this far!), but he did. Weird dude for other reasons too. But not creepy weird, just off kilter weird. Anyways, we needed the more accurate dating of the baby to insure that we'll be able to make use of the many screenings that are available. We're still in discussions on these, as the implications are far reaching and possibly severe. For instance, the first screening that they can do is for Downs syndrome. We can have that test during the first trimester only. Our natural inclination on these screenings is that they are unnecessary in our circumstances. We have no family history. Jake and Sara have no birth defects (personality disorders, maybe, but no defects). And Jess is not over 35. We found out today that our baby is alone in the womb. Sorry, voters for twins, you are wrong! We were also informed that the strength of the heartbeat means it's a girl. The doctor was quick to point out that this is an old wives' tale, but she was the one that proffered the information! Unprompted, even! We got our first picture of lil Shaka. I spent all night at work thinking of the image of the teeny-tiny baby heart flapping away. 188 beats per minute! Interestingly, the baby (technically - an embryo) weighs about four paperclips right now. The baby book that we got this info from does not specify whether they are standard or jumbo. Jess thinks standard, I think jumbo. Nevertheless, there are four paperclips hanging off our refrigerator, a silly reminder that life is growing in our home!

June 20th!

That's the preliminary due date! How cool is that?! For no reason other than it's the due date. I'm so excitedly over-the-moon! This is really affecting me in ways that I thought it wouldn't, but this strangely makes the baby real to me. I knew of it before, but now I know when it'll show up! Double neat! And the best part... On Wednesday, Jess is going for the first ultrasound. I get to hear the baby's heartbeat! WOW! This is so super-cool that I'm using words like super-cool! I cannot even describe whats going on in my mind right now. I'm terrified of so many things, I'm excited by this whole experience, and I'm impatient. I want to know our baby now! Mostly though, I'm happy. Purely and really happy. Until next time!

Today's The Day!

Well, it's A day, anyways, but an important one. Jess has an appointment to see the gynechiatrist and we should have a reasonable approximation of the due date. It's possible that we'll even know the sex. I'm gonna try to stay away from that knowledge. Unfortunately, I have to work, so I won't be able to accompany Jess to this appointment. Nevertheless, I'm apt to be excited. (Special thanks to Keith and Dusty for the resurgence of the word 'apt' in my vocabulary, you've made me see the error of my ways. Also, it good to know that I've always had friends that I can laugh with so easily. You all make me realize how lucky I am.)

Matrimonial Testimonial

Yup, that's right. We got married. Yesterday. At the courthouse. I didn't even need Rock to lend me the ten bucks! I feel like I'm making real strides here, people! For such a short ceremony, it was beautiful and poignant, and, obviously, something that I'll never forget. We were talking about getting married next year, before Project Zambrano popped up. See, having a baby makes you flexible to change! Jacob has decided to call me Pop, which cracks him up to no end. Sara has loudly demanded that she'll call me Dad. Both fill me with a sense of pride that I did nothing to deserve. Pretty Awesome.
On a related but unrelated note, we didn't invite anyone to the ceremony. This at first disappointed Mrs. Brewster. But she did her best to (appear to,anyways) be o.k. with it. Those of you that know my mother know that she's an important part of my life. You also know that she has a...strong personality. She has continuously surprised me throughout this time of my life, by offering unsolicited and very real support. She's the best. I know what unconditional love for a child is because of her, and I proud to say that she's my best friend. Thanks, Mom!
And we cannot forget Harold. My Dad. The best man that I know, and the best role model I could ever wish for in being a Dad. Your uncompromising morals and principles (while the cause of consternation between us as I grew up), absolutely taught me the values that I want to pass on. I'm grateful to know that when I'm unsure of something, you always seem to have an answer. Thanks, Pop!
Just wanted to take that time to let these very important people in my life know that I love them and will always, no matter what!

Swiper, No Swiping!

Who voted for twins?! Do you not like me? Two of you people. Probably the flatmates. Although, I guess that'd be really awesome too. Oh, a funny thing happened last night. Well, It was funny to me, anyways, and so you're damned to read it. Jess went to pick Jake up from CCD last night, so Sara and I stayed home. I was implored to watch Dora the Explorer with her. Needless to say, when J&J got home, we were found doing the Coconut Congo in an effort to help Dora get to the Mermaid Kingdom. Pretty standard up until now. However, Sara had p.js and her brand new combination hat/mittens/scerf (it's a scerf, not a scarf) set on, and I had p.j.s, gloves, and a vampire cape on. Sara demanded that it be so. And it was wonderful, especially when we chased Jake around trying to get him to wiggle and congo with us. Everyone knows that the more congoers you have, the easier it is to get to the Mermaid Kingdom.

The Name of this here blog...

I guess that I should explain the name, huh? Alright then. I will. We haven't told the kids that they have a brother or sister on the way. I convinced/tricked Jess into agreeing to have the middle name of a male child be Zambrano. Hence, when we speak of the pregnancy around the house, we refer to it as Project Zambrano. Kind of spy-y, isn't it? And we all know how much I wanted to be a spy before the horrible watermelon incident of 2001.

Reaction to Dr. Joel's votings.

Dr. Joel,
I have been nothing but nice to you, so far as I can remember. I still have the coat with the patches on it. It's waiting for you. Yet, your obsession with science has allowed you to not back me up in my quest to not know what sex the child is. That hurts, inside.
Thank you for your time,
Not Dr. Chris.

(Also, it's not that serious.)
(Also, I'm now trying to quit smoking.)
(Also, that sucks.)
(Also, this one's just for fun.)
(Also, this one's the last one.)

Reflejos

So, I just read my last (first post) and was shocked to see how saccharine it was. We're gonna find out a due date next Monday. Jess thinks the baby's about two months, I think closer to or over three months. I'll defer to her prior experience here. I'm having a problem with knowing the sex of the baby before, though. Jess demands it and I feel just as strongly that we don't know. I'm sure that you all know how this'll pan out. That's right, we're gonna find out. Then I'll let you, my faithful readers know... But this does intrigue me, and I'd like to know what your feelings on the matter are. so I'm adding a poll about learning the baby's sex and whether you think this baby is a boy or a girl. (I think girl, she thinks boy. Ugh.)

Inaugural Post

If anyone that doesn't know me should accidentally meander to this bloggeration, I wanted to make sure that you are sufficiently aware of the backstory. And those of you that do know me, you may learn somethings about me inadvertently. Fun for all!
About a year ago, I moved in with Jessica and her kids; Jacob (7) and Sara (almost 4)(those ages are now, not then). Jessica is an awesome woman. I can say without trepidation that she is the first woman that I've been with that has put me first in her mind (well, second to the chil'rens, but that's alright by me.). She's been a light in my life. She's allowed me to believe in myself more fully than I ever have. In short, I love her like no one before. Jacob is the most caring, kind, and lovable kid you'll ever meet. A new best friend to me. Sara is sweet and evil, manipulative and unabashedly so. Another new best friend to me. These are my lil' dudes, my companeros, my compadres, my own personal midget squad. These are my kids, no two ways about it. See I thought that I was looking for "the One", but it seems that "The Three" is what eluded me. I think of them all day long, and get home as soon as possible at night to be with them. Even when they're sleeping already, due to my stupid hours, it feels good to lay eyes on them.
I'm constantly amazed at what I learn from them. I'm constantly amazed at how little I knew before. Jessica's loving-kindness, the simplistic black/white honesty of the ninos, can I teach them more than they teach me? Does it matter? This past year has been the most enriching experience of my life.
Oh yeah, the title of the blog. On Monday, (Oct 29th, 07) We found out that Jess is pregnant with my very first biological child. How cool is that?! I'm terrified. I'm excited. I'm writing this blog for my own mental health, and with the hopes that family and friends will check in to see the progress and the process . Once we tell them, that is.
So, I'll post here ,at least weekly, with information and such. I'll probably ask more questions than I answer, so please help me out through the comments section. One super cool thing before I go....apparently, my child doesn't do mornings. She's decided to make Jess sick at night. I, of course, have been blamed for this.